Some monkeys shouldn't be allowed out in polite society

Missing from my public review of the Dr Katz show at the Somerville Theater is my rant about the jerkhole who was sitting behind us. When we got home, I fired off a missive on Craigslist, more as catharsis than because I expected him to see the error of his ways:

Dr. Katz show: loud moron in second row (Somerville Theater)
Not sure if this is you? Here are some more clues:

You and your girl turned up after the show had started, and took your seats in C2 and C3.

The fact that there were people on stage, performing, did not deter you from continuing your conversation audibly, as though you were at home watching TV.

You became quite excited when Matt Siegel came onstage; this was, in fact, the only time you spoke in a whisper, gasping "Holy shit! It's really Matt Siegel!" in a hushed, reverent tone.

What really excited you, however, was the presence of the guy sitting next to you. Apparently, he was in the wrong seat. We know this because you wouldn't shut up about it.

Your girlfriend got up at some point (possibly to go to the restroom; possibly to gain respite from your ape-like behavior). When she came back, you fussed because C1 guy didn't stand up for her. Your knowledge of basic manners in this instance is surprising, given the extent to which you lacked awareness of them for the rest of the evening.

You continued fussing (loudly enough that people sitting on the other side of the theater wondered what was going on) until an usher came over and told you to shut up.

Here's a tip, slick: next time you go to a theater, take a moment to look around. See all the other people? They bought seats, too. They didn't pay to listen to you whine. And however much your night was spoiled by one guy's behavior, rest assured you spread the virus much, much further.

But hey, I'm sure your girl was reaaaally impressed.