Showing posts with label America. Show all posts
Showing posts with label America. Show all posts
Friday, March 6, 2009
MOBA's West Wing
There's really no way to describe these totally crappy paintings of our new president. Let's just say the words "monkey" and "tweeter" come to mind.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Génériques de l'enfer (theme songs from hell)
Q: What's worse than the theme songs from crappy prime-time TV action shows?
A: The theme songs from crappy prime-time TV action shows in French.
Item: Starsky et Hutch
Huggy Bear evidently translates as "Huggy Good-Pipes"; whether that refers to his excellent singing technique is unclear.
Item: The Fall Guy (aka L'homme qui tombe à pic)
Totally loses the brilliance of the English lyrics:
What do you mean there are no lyrics? Regardez! Ecoutez!
Avec Monsieur T dans le rôle de Baracuda. This also gets the prize for sounding most like a local ad for a cut-price grocery store.
That is all.
A: The theme songs from crappy prime-time TV action shows in French.
Item: Starsky et Hutch
Huggy Bear evidently translates as "Huggy Good-Pipes"; whether that refers to his excellent singing technique is unclear.
Item: The Fall Guy (aka L'homme qui tombe à pic)
Totally loses the brilliance of the English lyrics:
I've gotten burned over Cheryl Tiegs,Item: The A-Team (aka L'Agence tous risques)
Blown up for Raquel Welch.
But when I end up in the hay it's only hay, Hey Hey.
I might jump an open drawbridge,
Or Tarzan from a vine.
'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that makes Eastwood look so fine.
What do you mean there are no lyrics? Regardez! Ecoutez!
Avec Monsieur T dans le rôle de Baracuda. This also gets the prize for sounding most like a local ad for a cut-price grocery store.
That is all.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving, Everybody!
Friday, November 21, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Happy birthday, Michael Jackson
The Guardian has a 50-image gallery; one photo for every year Jacko has been alive.
And this nice lady, also.
What?
And this nice lady, also.
What?
Monday, August 25, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
The end of these Games: Liveblog
8:20 It ends as it started: not with a whimper, but with an almighty buh-bang. The Bird's Nest still stands.
8:21 What the hell is that hat? What are these people wearing??
8:22 Aaaand ... ad break. Fabulous.
8:27 Thousands of Chinese Bjorks are invading the stadium! And a man banging a giant flying wheel of Gouda! No, wait: two men!
8:30 Cirque de Soleil has gone waaay too far this time. The Bjorks, covered in bells and singing, are making giant vulva shapes, which then split apart and come back together, while drummers in bike helments go crazy.
8:32 There's a definite bike theme, which makes sense in China. But if I ever see one of these dudes on the inverted neon penny-farthings on Mass Ave, I shall punch him.
8:35 And now everyone is bouncing! On pogo stilts! That's what the hippies will be sporting in Davis Square next summer. Awesome.
8:37 Oh goody, Chevy advertises the car that doesn't exist yet! It runs on unicorn droppings and its exhaust is rainbows! In the meantime, buy our ugly unreliable cars, please.
8:41 All the athletes start running into the stadium at random, waving their flags and wearing their medals (except Puerto Rico, of course) and mingle and hang out and embrace each other. And now we get to see those 100,000 condoms in use ... no? Oh well.
8:45 Ah, the US team, who immediately start chanting "USA! USA!" like goodNazis American patriots. And Shawn Johnson is three feet tall.
8:50 I'll be so glad when we don't have to watch NBC any more and I can stop seeing those terrible John McCain ads. And the Nissan Maxima ads. And the Manningses football ad. And the milky minutes ad.
9:00 The medal ceremony for the marathon. You can tell the guys are having a really tough time climbing on the podium, what with their knees being shot and all.
9:03 Apparently, Ennio Morricone composed the Kenyan National Anthem.
9:06 The Chinese Pete Wentz presents representives of the million-plus volunteers with flowers. And a reminder that the Wal*Mart factory opens at 5:30 am sharp.
9:13 El raises an interesting question: With the exception of the French one, do all national anthems suck?
9:15 The Mayor of Beijing delivers the traditional "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here" address.
9:16 Okay, the Games are officially closed. That's it. We can go to bed now.
9:21 But wait ... something else is happening. What could it be? Oh, it's a very pretty version of God Save the Queen (the non-Pistols version). How nice!
9:26 Boris Johnson is WALKING! He's evidently drunk, standing with his hands in his pockets on the podium, grinning and waving at people. Great.
9:28 El observes that middle-aged men are crap at waving flags. And that, in the movie version, Johnson will be played by whoever is Chris Farley at the time.
9:35 A BUS! A big red double-decker! And people waiting at a bus stop with brollies. And cyclists. And "Greensleeves." And a zebra crossing, with belisha beacons and a lollipop lady. Oh, wait--the people are all zombies! A little girl walks over the zombies and gets on the bus. And then the top deck of the bus unfolds over the sides while the zombies do the robot. Out of the bus rises flavor-of-the-month Leona Lewis, who perches on a tall pedestal and goes "Looo-lloooo-loooo!" which scares off the zombies. And then a white-haired old lady comes out and plays a Led Zep song. And Willie Dixon still doesn't get paid.
9:41 The old lady plays some hot guitar licks. And just how appropriate is it for the London Olympics to be introduced by a cock-rock anthem about --- OH MY GOD IT'S BECKHAM!!
9:42 The brollies become neon and the bus departs. You know, it wasn't as awesome as I'd been led to believe.
9:46 The moment approaches: athletes walk up a long staircase into the light, kinda like at the end of Close Encounters. Yao Ming is hoisted up to piss on the flame, extinguishing it for good.
9:48 No, wait ... no. Sad, powerful music plays while White Man Group, up on a tower, makes shapes with their naked bodies.
9:51 Aaaand ... we're done. No, wait--now the hundreds of people who had been clinging desperately to the outside of the tower for twenty minutes are flailing around. They look like bees in a hive. They're leaning off the sides and acting like they're not 60 feet up, attached only by cables made in Chi-- never mind.
9:57 That final routine was spectacular, and was basically John Emo's way of saying, "Yeah, London you go ahead and do that thing with the double decker bus and the old lady. No, it's good, really. No, I mean it." London's only real chance is that there's a global virus that gives the world's entire population amnesia, and no one remembers how much China kicks tail in the epic visual presentation department.
10:02 We all sing the pop classic "Beijing, Beijing, We All Love Beijing." I wish I was kidding. El assumes this is Chinese ABBA (or CHABBA, pronounced in the Jewish manner).
10:06 El refuses to use the name McDonald's and now refers to it as "the Scottish restaurant."
10:08 People on cables are flying around the stadium in impressive fashion, but from the musical selections it's clear the party has reached that stage at which the host starts playing real crap songs in the hope it will encourage everyone to leave. Seems the Chinese are just like us: they have horrible pop music, too.
10:16 It's Jackie Chan! Singing! He should really go seek out the Taekwondo gold medallist, roundhouse-kick him in the head and take his frickin' bauble.
10:20 The music is getting faster, the fireworks are brighter and bangier, the acrobats are freaking out, the mascots are foaming at the mouth!!! It makes the Polyphonic Spree look like a barbershop quartet.
So the torch is out, These Games have become Those Games, and Mary Weinberg is heading back to Home Depot, wondering whether she got the early lunch break and if she has to restock the lightbulbs. And after Zhang Yimou's insane display of Chinese superiority, what have we got to look forward to in 2012?
Probably a choreographed gang of ASBO hoodies twocking white vans, while thousands of closed-circuit cameras descend from the rafters, just too late to capture footage of a toddler being kidnapped by a guy in a canoe made from Amy Winehouse.
Of course, we already know what really happens: everyone in the stadium vanishes.
8:21 What the hell is that hat? What are these people wearing??
8:22 Aaaand ... ad break. Fabulous.
8:27 Thousands of Chinese Bjorks are invading the stadium! And a man banging a giant flying wheel of Gouda! No, wait: two men!
8:30 Cirque de Soleil has gone waaay too far this time. The Bjorks, covered in bells and singing, are making giant vulva shapes, which then split apart and come back together, while drummers in bike helments go crazy.
8:32 There's a definite bike theme, which makes sense in China. But if I ever see one of these dudes on the inverted neon penny-farthings on Mass Ave, I shall punch him.
8:35 And now everyone is bouncing! On pogo stilts! That's what the hippies will be sporting in Davis Square next summer. Awesome.
8:37 Oh goody, Chevy advertises the car that doesn't exist yet! It runs on unicorn droppings and its exhaust is rainbows! In the meantime, buy our ugly unreliable cars, please.
8:41 All the athletes start running into the stadium at random, waving their flags and wearing their medals (except Puerto Rico, of course) and mingle and hang out and embrace each other. And now we get to see those 100,000 condoms in use ... no? Oh well.
8:45 Ah, the US team, who immediately start chanting "USA! USA!" like good
8:50 I'll be so glad when we don't have to watch NBC any more and I can stop seeing those terrible John McCain ads. And the Nissan Maxima ads. And the Manningses football ad. And the milky minutes ad.
9:00 The medal ceremony for the marathon. You can tell the guys are having a really tough time climbing on the podium, what with their knees being shot and all.
9:03 Apparently, Ennio Morricone composed the Kenyan National Anthem.
9:06 The Chinese Pete Wentz presents representives of the million-plus volunteers with flowers. And a reminder that the Wal*Mart factory opens at 5:30 am sharp.
9:13 El raises an interesting question: With the exception of the French one, do all national anthems suck?
9:15 The Mayor of Beijing delivers the traditional "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here" address.
9:16 Okay, the Games are officially closed. That's it. We can go to bed now.
9:21 But wait ... something else is happening. What could it be? Oh, it's a very pretty version of God Save the Queen (the non-Pistols version). How nice!
9:26 Boris Johnson is WALKING! He's evidently drunk, standing with his hands in his pockets on the podium, grinning and waving at people. Great.
9:28 El observes that middle-aged men are crap at waving flags. And that, in the movie version, Johnson will be played by whoever is Chris Farley at the time.
9:35 A BUS! A big red double-decker! And people waiting at a bus stop with brollies. And cyclists. And "Greensleeves." And a zebra crossing, with belisha beacons and a lollipop lady. Oh, wait--the people are all zombies! A little girl walks over the zombies and gets on the bus. And then the top deck of the bus unfolds over the sides while the zombies do the robot. Out of the bus rises flavor-of-the-month Leona Lewis, who perches on a tall pedestal and goes "Looo-lloooo-loooo!" which scares off the zombies. And then a white-haired old lady comes out and plays a Led Zep song. And Willie Dixon still doesn't get paid.
9:41 The old lady plays some hot guitar licks. And just how appropriate is it for the London Olympics to be introduced by a cock-rock anthem about --- OH MY GOD IT'S BECKHAM!!
9:42 The brollies become neon and the bus departs. You know, it wasn't as awesome as I'd been led to believe.
9:46 The moment approaches: athletes walk up a long staircase into the light, kinda like at the end of Close Encounters. Yao Ming is hoisted up to piss on the flame, extinguishing it for good.
9:48 No, wait ... no. Sad, powerful music plays while White Man Group, up on a tower, makes shapes with their naked bodies.
9:51 Aaaand ... we're done. No, wait--now the hundreds of people who had been clinging desperately to the outside of the tower for twenty minutes are flailing around. They look like bees in a hive. They're leaning off the sides and acting like they're not 60 feet up, attached only by cables made in Chi-- never mind.
9:57 That final routine was spectacular, and was basically John Emo's way of saying, "Yeah, London you go ahead and do that thing with the double decker bus and the old lady. No, it's good, really. No, I mean it." London's only real chance is that there's a global virus that gives the world's entire population amnesia, and no one remembers how much China kicks tail in the epic visual presentation department.
10:02 We all sing the pop classic "Beijing, Beijing, We All Love Beijing." I wish I was kidding. El assumes this is Chinese ABBA (or CHABBA, pronounced in the Jewish manner).
10:06 El refuses to use the name McDonald's and now refers to it as "the Scottish restaurant."
10:08 People on cables are flying around the stadium in impressive fashion, but from the musical selections it's clear the party has reached that stage at which the host starts playing real crap songs in the hope it will encourage everyone to leave. Seems the Chinese are just like us: they have horrible pop music, too.
10:16 It's Jackie Chan! Singing! He should really go seek out the Taekwondo gold medallist, roundhouse-kick him in the head and take his frickin' bauble.
10:20 The music is getting faster, the fireworks are brighter and bangier, the acrobats are freaking out, the mascots are foaming at the mouth!!! It makes the Polyphonic Spree look like a barbershop quartet.
So the torch is out, These Games have become Those Games, and Mary Weinberg is heading back to Home Depot, wondering whether she got the early lunch break and if she has to restock the lightbulbs. And after Zhang Yimou's insane display of Chinese superiority, what have we got to look forward to in 2012?
Probably a choreographed gang of ASBO hoodies twocking white vans, while thousands of closed-circuit cameras descend from the rafters, just too late to capture footage of a toddler being kidnapped by a guy in a canoe made from Amy Winehouse.
Of course, we already know what really happens: everyone in the stadium vanishes.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Someone needs to vet their mailing list more carefully
Dear Colleague:
As a valued member of the Iraq Oil & Gas reconstruction
community, you are invited to attend the Iraq Oil &
Gas Summit, November 5-6, 2008, in Houston, Texas.
We invite you to join more than 100 Iraqi business and
government leaders, as well as 300 senior executives from
the US and around the world, currently registered to
attend this particularly timely 2-day event.
Your continued interest and involvement has helped make the
ReBuilding Iraq Conference series the longest-running and
most productive business-to-business initiative in the
history of this striving nation.
In addition to attending Iraq Oil and Gas Reconstruction
sessions, you will be able to meet with decision makers
and successful companies who can help structure benefits
for your own organization as you help build the New Iraq.
Discuss short-term and long-term opportunities in the
New Iraq with important industry and government speakers
who can give you an accurate security report.
* Learn about new multi-billion dollar opportunities in
petrochemicals, pipelines and refineries plants
* Meet and build relationships with executives from leading
energy and international business development firms.
* Find out what you need to know to successfully compete for
the billions of dollars still available in contracts and
sub-contracts to help rebuild Iraqi oil and gas industries.
* Participate in forums with high-level industry
participants and make your voice heard in an interactive
and dynamic environment.
To review the conference detailed agenda and speakers bios,
please visit www.new-fields.com/iogs2008/index.html
As a valued member of the Iraq Oil & Gas reconstruction
community, you are invited to attend the Iraq Oil &
Gas Summit, November 5-6, 2008, in Houston, Texas.
We invite you to join more than 100 Iraqi business and
government leaders, as well as 300 senior executives from
the US and around the world, currently registered to
attend this particularly timely 2-day event.
Your continued interest and involvement has helped make the
ReBuilding Iraq Conference series the longest-running and
most productive business-to-business initiative in the
history of this striving nation.
In addition to attending Iraq Oil and Gas Reconstruction
sessions, you will be able to meet with decision makers
and successful companies who can help structure benefits
for your own organization as you help build the New Iraq.
Discuss short-term and long-term opportunities in the
New Iraq with important industry and government speakers
who can give you an accurate security report.
* Learn about new multi-billion dollar opportunities in
petrochemicals, pipelines and refineries plants
* Meet and build relationships with executives from leading
energy and international business development firms.
* Find out what you need to know to successfully compete for
the billions of dollars still available in contracts and
sub-contracts to help rebuild Iraqi oil and gas industries.
* Participate in forums with high-level industry
participants and make your voice heard in an interactive
and dynamic environment.
To review the conference detailed agenda and speakers bios,
please visit www.new-fields.com/iogs2008/index.html
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Yet Another Music List - Part 1 (1969-1982): A Rebuttal
I was going to post this in a comment, but realized that I agree with almost none of the choices of my esteemed colleague even though we were born 14 days apart. Thus, this diatribe.
I never got into punk, don't like Dylan or the Stones, grew up listening to country music and hard rock and like the New Wave/Prog Rock genre. My list will be quite different. And away we go...(using Wikipedia's "Music in xx" pages).
1969: Agree that The Band's second album is a contender. Blind Faith by (duh!) Blind Faith also has two excellent songs. Not enough to rate as the best, though. Velvet Underground? No thanks. I am surprised that Kick Out The Jams by MC5 didn't rate a mention from El. Merle Haggard and the Strangers Okie from Muskogee is a strong choice, but I have to go with a live album - At San Quentin by Johnny Cash. The best of seemingly 15 or so albums put out by JC that year.
1970: Strong year. Abraxas by Santana, After the Gold Rush by Neil Young, Bitches Brew by Miles Davis, Deja Vu by CSNY, Moondance by Van Morrison (almost, for me). None, however, compare to Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs by Derek and the Dominoes. Still one of the albums I listen to regularly.
1971: Odd year for me. I know El is a bigger fan of The Doors and The Who than I, but my choice came down to L.A. Woman or Who's Next. The Who win out for consistent strength from beginning to end.
1972: Southern rock was a big staple of my childhood, so I have to go with Eat a Peach by The Allman Brothers. Never been a Stones fan.
1973: I'm not as anti-Floyd as El, so I'll rank Dark Side of the Moon as a great album from this year. Tubular Bells by Mike Oldfield and Tres Hombres by ZZ Top are also very good, but my favorite is Pronounced Leh-Nerd Skin-Nerd by Lynyrd Skynrd.
1974: Agreed that this is a weak year. I'd have to go with 461 Ocean Boulevard by Eric Clapton.
1975: My pick for the year is Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd. Bruce is #2.
1976: Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap by AC/DC ['76 in Australia, '81 in the US], Night Moves by Bob Seger, and Hotel California by The Eagles are good choices, but I go with Fly Like an Eagle by The Steve Miller Band.
1977: Bat Out of Hell by Meat Loaf over Aja by Steely Dan and The Stranger by Billy Joel. I'm a fan of operatic Steinman-rock.
1978: Jesus of Cool by Nick Lowe has some good songs. I guess the eponymous Van Halen album does, too, but I'm not a big VH fan of any permutation. My best album of 1978 was Stranger in Town by Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band. Honorable mention to The Gambler by Kenny Rogers and the soundtrack to Once Upon a Time in the West by Ennio Morricone.
1979: The Long Run by the Eagles is strong all the way through. Live at Budokan by Cheap Trick and Breakfast in America by Supertramp were certainly popular, but when I looked at the albums releases, one stuck out for me - Rust Never Sleeps by Neil young and Crazy Horse. Massive guitar attacks that don't let up for the whole album. Just what a 10-year old boy from middle Amercia craves.
1980: Bob Seger's Against the Wind is a good album. I guess I didn't realize how much I liked Bob Seger during this time frame. AC/DC Back in Black, the soundtrack of Xanadu (don't look at me like that!), Arc of a Diver by Steve Winwood all made me stop and think, but this is when my favorite Bruce Springsteen album The River came out. As a double album, there was enough space for the rock songs ("Ramrod", "Sherry Darling"), the sad songs ("The River", "Stolen Car") and the monster single ("Hungry Heart").
1981: Foreigner 4 had 4 good singles. El Loco by ZZ Top was not one of the best albums of 1981, but you had to hand it the guys for their subtlety with songs like "Tube Snake Boogie" and "Pearl Necklace". Escape by Journey is forever tainted by the steaming shit pile that was The Sopranos final episode. Soft Cell's Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret only had one good song - "Tainted Love" - but it was a really, really good one. Wild Eyed Southern Boys by .38 Special loses out to my choice - the self-named album by Quarterflash. I still have 8 of the 9 tracks on my mp3 player.
1982: Ah, puberty. The wonders of being a 13-year old boy. I'd rather forget this time of my life, but I'll soldier on for you, dear reader. Thriller and 1999 deserve mention, but not more than that from me. I liked Lexicon of Love by ABC, Nebraska (which was introduced to me by El), Nylon Curtain by Billy Joel (good first half, weak second half). Some albums had one or two good songs - Friend or Foe by Adam Ant ("Goody Two-Shoes"), Branigan by Laura Branigan ("Gloria"), Business as Usual by Men At Work ("Down Under", "Who Can It Be Now?"), The Nightfly by Donald Fagen ("New Frontier"...loved the video), Too-Rye-Ay by Dexys Midnight Runners (name anything else...I dare you). Ya know, I think I have to agree with El on this one. Nebraska is undauntingly morose, but it is the best front to back album from 1982. Every other possibility has a couple of good songs and lots of filler. No wonder I am ready to forget this year.
Back to you, El.
I never got into punk, don't like Dylan or the Stones, grew up listening to country music and hard rock and like the New Wave/Prog Rock genre. My list will be quite different. And away we go...(using Wikipedia's "Music in xx" pages).
1969: Agree that The Band's second album is a contender. Blind Faith by (duh!) Blind Faith also has two excellent songs. Not enough to rate as the best, though. Velvet Underground? No thanks. I am surprised that Kick Out The Jams by MC5 didn't rate a mention from El. Merle Haggard and the Strangers Okie from Muskogee is a strong choice, but I have to go with a live album - At San Quentin by Johnny Cash. The best of seemingly 15 or so albums put out by JC that year.
1970: Strong year. Abraxas by Santana, After the Gold Rush by Neil Young, Bitches Brew by Miles Davis, Deja Vu by CSNY, Moondance by Van Morrison (almost, for me). None, however, compare to Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs by Derek and the Dominoes. Still one of the albums I listen to regularly.
1971: Odd year for me. I know El is a bigger fan of The Doors and The Who than I, but my choice came down to L.A. Woman or Who's Next. The Who win out for consistent strength from beginning to end.
1972: Southern rock was a big staple of my childhood, so I have to go with Eat a Peach by The Allman Brothers. Never been a Stones fan.
1973: I'm not as anti-Floyd as El, so I'll rank Dark Side of the Moon as a great album from this year. Tubular Bells by Mike Oldfield and Tres Hombres by ZZ Top are also very good, but my favorite is Pronounced Leh-Nerd Skin-Nerd by Lynyrd Skynrd.
1974: Agreed that this is a weak year. I'd have to go with 461 Ocean Boulevard by Eric Clapton.
1975: My pick for the year is Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd. Bruce is #2.
1976: Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap by AC/DC ['76 in Australia, '81 in the US], Night Moves by Bob Seger, and Hotel California by The Eagles are good choices, but I go with Fly Like an Eagle by The Steve Miller Band.
1977: Bat Out of Hell by Meat Loaf over Aja by Steely Dan and The Stranger by Billy Joel. I'm a fan of operatic Steinman-rock.
1978: Jesus of Cool by Nick Lowe has some good songs. I guess the eponymous Van Halen album does, too, but I'm not a big VH fan of any permutation. My best album of 1978 was Stranger in Town by Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band. Honorable mention to The Gambler by Kenny Rogers and the soundtrack to Once Upon a Time in the West by Ennio Morricone.
1979: The Long Run by the Eagles is strong all the way through. Live at Budokan by Cheap Trick and Breakfast in America by Supertramp were certainly popular, but when I looked at the albums releases, one stuck out for me - Rust Never Sleeps by Neil young and Crazy Horse. Massive guitar attacks that don't let up for the whole album. Just what a 10-year old boy from middle Amercia craves.
1980: Bob Seger's Against the Wind is a good album. I guess I didn't realize how much I liked Bob Seger during this time frame. AC/DC Back in Black, the soundtrack of Xanadu (don't look at me like that!), Arc of a Diver by Steve Winwood all made me stop and think, but this is when my favorite Bruce Springsteen album The River came out. As a double album, there was enough space for the rock songs ("Ramrod", "Sherry Darling"), the sad songs ("The River", "Stolen Car") and the monster single ("Hungry Heart").
1981: Foreigner 4 had 4 good singles. El Loco by ZZ Top was not one of the best albums of 1981, but you had to hand it the guys for their subtlety with songs like "Tube Snake Boogie" and "Pearl Necklace". Escape by Journey is forever tainted by the steaming shit pile that was The Sopranos final episode. Soft Cell's Non-Stop Erotic Cabaret only had one good song - "Tainted Love" - but it was a really, really good one. Wild Eyed Southern Boys by .38 Special loses out to my choice - the self-named album by Quarterflash. I still have 8 of the 9 tracks on my mp3 player.
1982: Ah, puberty. The wonders of being a 13-year old boy. I'd rather forget this time of my life, but I'll soldier on for you, dear reader. Thriller and 1999 deserve mention, but not more than that from me. I liked Lexicon of Love by ABC, Nebraska (which was introduced to me by El), Nylon Curtain by Billy Joel (good first half, weak second half). Some albums had one or two good songs - Friend or Foe by Adam Ant ("Goody Two-Shoes"), Branigan by Laura Branigan ("Gloria"), Business as Usual by Men At Work ("Down Under", "Who Can It Be Now?"), The Nightfly by Donald Fagen ("New Frontier"...loved the video), Too-Rye-Ay by Dexys Midnight Runners (name anything else...I dare you). Ya know, I think I have to agree with El on this one. Nebraska is undauntingly morose, but it is the best front to back album from 1982. Every other possibility has a couple of good songs and lots of filler. No wonder I am ready to forget this year.
Back to you, El.
Friday, July 4, 2008
50 Bands, 50 States - Part 2
This is the second part of my look at the Phoenix's 50 Bands, 50 States column. Part 1 is here.
Florida
Phoenix: Lynyrd Skynyrd, Tom Petty
El: Pitbull
Yes, in a state in which I could have chosen from Skynyrd, Petty, Miami Sound Machine and even Pat Freaking Boone, I chose a one-hit reggaeton flash in the pan. In my defense, his hit single Culo is one of the best odes to women's derrieres since Sir Mix-a-Lot (who was knighted for his efforts.)
Texas
Phoenix: 13th Floor Elevators, Roy Orbison
El: Supersuckers
Frankly, I'm not so sure the 13th Floor Elevators are better than the Supersuckers or the Geto Boys. Then again, I am not currently tripping like the Phoenix staff. Among the many, many other choices are Lyle Lovett, Buddy Holly and Willie Nelson.
Iowa
Phoenix: The Everly Brothers, William Elliott Whitmore
El: Glenn Miller
Aren't you glad that this 96% white state gets to vote first in the primaries? Look at those names. And the only other choice was Andy Williams. I don't even know who the hell the Phoenix picked for best solo artist even after they explained it.
Wisconsin
Phoenix: Violent Femmes, Brother Ali
El: Violent Femmes
That was extremely easy. Next.
California
Phoenix: The Beach Boys, Dr. Dre
El: Dead Kennedys
While the Byrds, CCR and the Beach Boys are obvious choices, I felt the reaction against the hippies was more interesting, which meant punk. While there were dozens of So. Cal. bands to choose from like Black Flag, Suicidal Tendencies and the Descendents, somehow an extremely sarcastic San Francisco band seemed like the right choice. In retrospect, I should have picked an NWA track. Damn, I forgot about Dre.
Minnesota
Phoenix: The Replacements, Prince/Bob Dylan
El: Prince
The Prince/Bob Dylan thing is another Phoenix call-in choice deal. Frankly, it should be a tie. I passed on the Replacements for my choice to get something more party-like after Jello Biafra got done yelling about rich kids or genocide or whatever.
Oregon
Phoenix: The Wipers, Tim Hardin
El: The Kingsmen
Two words. Actually, one word repeated twice and separated by a comma. Okay, one proper noun repeated twice and separated by a comma. Oh screw it.
Kansas
Phoenix: The Embarassment, Charlie Parker
El: Melissa Etheridge
I had never heard of The Embarassment. Forced with picking a female Springsteen impersonator or acknowledging the existence of jazz, the Phoenix editors go for the latter.
West Virginia
Phoenix: Karma to Burn, Hasil Adkins
El: Tom T. Hall
I've never heard of the Phoenix choices. We're reaching the parts of the country where little of consequence ever happens, so the choices get tough. I happened to already have a Tom T. Hall track in one of my freely acquired Time-Life compilations.
Nevada
Phoenix: 7 Seconds, Jenny Lewis
El: The Killers
I think the playlist was built before the Killers widely panned second disc came out. I still stand by my choice, since it required little research.
Nebraska
Phoenix:Bright Eyes, Elliott Smith
El: Bright Eyes
I would have bet anything that the Phoenix entry would read Bright Eyes, Conor Oberst.
Colorado
Phoenix: The Apples in Stereo, Jello Biafra
El: The Nails
Three guesses as to where in Colorado Jello Biafra grew up. (Hint: The name is a synonym for a large rock.) As to my choice, 88 Lines About 44 Women has to be better than anything by John Denver or Judy Collins.
North Dakota
Phoenix: The Pink Slips, Peggy Lee
El: Peggy Lee
The solo artist choice for North Dakistan is obvious: Peggy Lee over Lawrence Welk. By the way, the Phoenix's best new band for the state is called Vaz, who are presumably called Vazoo in England.
South Dakota
Phoenix: Indigenous, Bob Stewart
El: Shawn Colvin
I think the Phoenix is just making shit up at this point. Indigenous is supposedly a Nakota tribe group of siblings whose leader sounds like Stevie Ray Vaughn, while Bob Stewart plays jazz tuba. Right, those sound like they're real.
Montana
Phoenix: Silkworm, Colin Meloy
El: David Lynch
So I didn't know that the dude out of the Decembrists was from Helena. So all I could find was that David Lynch hails from Missoula. Since he did write "In Heaven" for the movie Eraserhead, I used the Pixies cover to represent the state of Montana. It was my biggest failure in building the playlist and I blame no one but Montana's feeble artistic output.
Washington
Phoenix: Nirvana, Jimi Hendrix
El: Mudhoney
The Phoenix choices are correct, of course. Still, few things represents Seattle's contribution to grunge culture more than Touch Me I'm Sick.
Idaho
Phoenix: Built to Spill, Josh Ritter
El: Built to Spill
How can a state have twice as many US Senators as bands that you can find on iTunes? Can't we get a constitutional amendment to deal with this?
Wyoming
Phoenix: The Dirty Dogs, Jeb Loy Nichols
El: Chris LeDoux
The best solo artist in Wyoming is named Jeb. Figures. No, I don't know a damned thing about the three artist listed above. Still, three names among 1,200 people and 750,000 cows is pretty good.
Utah
Phoenix: The Osmonds, Donny Osmond
El: The Mormon Tabernacle Choir
Christ, I still have five more to go. Frankly, only Marie gives a crap about these choices. Oddly, no jazz artists.
Oklahoma
Phoenix: Flaming Lips, Woody Guthrie
El: Woody Guthrie
This is the last great artist you will see on this list.
New Mexico
Phoenix: The Shins, Norman Petty
El: Lanaidista
Can we just merge this state with another one?
Arizona
Phoenix: Sun City Girls, Stevie Nicks
El: Alice Cooper
One of the few states in this part of the list with some choices as Linda Rondstadt and the Meat Puppets are also options. They aren't great choices, but still.
Alaska
Phoenix: The Long Winters, Agaffon Krukoff
El: Jewel
Sadly, if we were selecting best poet from each state, Jewel would be the pick as well.
Hawaii
Phoenix: Dambuilders, Don Ho
El: Don Ho
Don Ho's cover of Shock the Monkey is tits.
I learned two things from this exercise:
Florida
Phoenix: Lynyrd Skynyrd, Tom Petty
El: Pitbull
Yes, in a state in which I could have chosen from Skynyrd, Petty, Miami Sound Machine and even Pat Freaking Boone, I chose a one-hit reggaeton flash in the pan. In my defense, his hit single Culo is one of the best odes to women's derrieres since Sir Mix-a-Lot (who was knighted for his efforts.)
Texas
Phoenix: 13th Floor Elevators, Roy Orbison
El: Supersuckers
Frankly, I'm not so sure the 13th Floor Elevators are better than the Supersuckers or the Geto Boys. Then again, I am not currently tripping like the Phoenix staff. Among the many, many other choices are Lyle Lovett, Buddy Holly and Willie Nelson.
Iowa
Phoenix: The Everly Brothers, William Elliott Whitmore
El: Glenn Miller
Aren't you glad that this 96% white state gets to vote first in the primaries? Look at those names. And the only other choice was Andy Williams. I don't even know who the hell the Phoenix picked for best solo artist even after they explained it.
Wisconsin
Phoenix: Violent Femmes, Brother Ali
El: Violent Femmes
That was extremely easy. Next.
California
Phoenix: The Beach Boys, Dr. Dre
El: Dead Kennedys
While the Byrds, CCR and the Beach Boys are obvious choices, I felt the reaction against the hippies was more interesting, which meant punk. While there were dozens of So. Cal. bands to choose from like Black Flag, Suicidal Tendencies and the Descendents, somehow an extremely sarcastic San Francisco band seemed like the right choice. In retrospect, I should have picked an NWA track. Damn, I forgot about Dre.
Minnesota
Phoenix: The Replacements, Prince/Bob Dylan
El: Prince
The Prince/Bob Dylan thing is another Phoenix call-in choice deal. Frankly, it should be a tie. I passed on the Replacements for my choice to get something more party-like after Jello Biafra got done yelling about rich kids or genocide or whatever.
Oregon
Phoenix: The Wipers, Tim Hardin
El: The Kingsmen
Two words. Actually, one word repeated twice and separated by a comma. Okay, one proper noun repeated twice and separated by a comma. Oh screw it.
Kansas
Phoenix: The Embarassment, Charlie Parker
El: Melissa Etheridge
I had never heard of The Embarassment. Forced with picking a female Springsteen impersonator or acknowledging the existence of jazz, the Phoenix editors go for the latter.
West Virginia
Phoenix: Karma to Burn, Hasil Adkins
El: Tom T. Hall
I've never heard of the Phoenix choices. We're reaching the parts of the country where little of consequence ever happens, so the choices get tough. I happened to already have a Tom T. Hall track in one of my freely acquired Time-Life compilations.
Nevada
Phoenix: 7 Seconds, Jenny Lewis
El: The Killers
I think the playlist was built before the Killers widely panned second disc came out. I still stand by my choice, since it required little research.
Nebraska
Phoenix:Bright Eyes, Elliott Smith
El: Bright Eyes
I would have bet anything that the Phoenix entry would read Bright Eyes, Conor Oberst.
Colorado
Phoenix: The Apples in Stereo, Jello Biafra
El: The Nails
Three guesses as to where in Colorado Jello Biafra grew up. (Hint: The name is a synonym for a large rock.) As to my choice, 88 Lines About 44 Women has to be better than anything by John Denver or Judy Collins.
North Dakota
Phoenix: The Pink Slips, Peggy Lee
El: Peggy Lee
The solo artist choice for North Dakistan is obvious: Peggy Lee over Lawrence Welk. By the way, the Phoenix's best new band for the state is called Vaz, who are presumably called Vazoo in England.
South Dakota
Phoenix: Indigenous, Bob Stewart
El: Shawn Colvin
I think the Phoenix is just making shit up at this point. Indigenous is supposedly a Nakota tribe group of siblings whose leader sounds like Stevie Ray Vaughn, while Bob Stewart plays jazz tuba. Right, those sound like they're real.
Montana
Phoenix: Silkworm, Colin Meloy
El: David Lynch
So I didn't know that the dude out of the Decembrists was from Helena. So all I could find was that David Lynch hails from Missoula. Since he did write "In Heaven" for the movie Eraserhead, I used the Pixies cover to represent the state of Montana. It was my biggest failure in building the playlist and I blame no one but Montana's feeble artistic output.
Washington
Phoenix: Nirvana, Jimi Hendrix
El: Mudhoney
The Phoenix choices are correct, of course. Still, few things represents Seattle's contribution to grunge culture more than Touch Me I'm Sick.
Idaho
Phoenix: Built to Spill, Josh Ritter
El: Built to Spill
How can a state have twice as many US Senators as bands that you can find on iTunes? Can't we get a constitutional amendment to deal with this?
Wyoming
Phoenix: The Dirty Dogs, Jeb Loy Nichols
El: Chris LeDoux
The best solo artist in Wyoming is named Jeb. Figures. No, I don't know a damned thing about the three artist listed above. Still, three names among 1,200 people and 750,000 cows is pretty good.
Utah
Phoenix: The Osmonds, Donny Osmond
El: The Mormon Tabernacle Choir
Christ, I still have five more to go. Frankly, only Marie gives a crap about these choices. Oddly, no jazz artists.
Oklahoma
Phoenix: Flaming Lips, Woody Guthrie
El: Woody Guthrie
This is the last great artist you will see on this list.
New Mexico
Phoenix: The Shins, Norman Petty
El: Lanaidista
Can we just merge this state with another one?
Arizona
Phoenix: Sun City Girls, Stevie Nicks
El: Alice Cooper
One of the few states in this part of the list with some choices as Linda Rondstadt and the Meat Puppets are also options. They aren't great choices, but still.
Alaska
Phoenix: The Long Winters, Agaffon Krukoff
El: Jewel
Sadly, if we were selecting best poet from each state, Jewel would be the pick as well.
Hawaii
Phoenix: Dambuilders, Don Ho
El: Don Ho
Don Ho's cover of Shock the Monkey is tits.
I learned two things from this exercise:
- There are approximately zero good musicians in about half of the states, but there's about ten states that have dozens of worthwhile artists.
- If you want to accurately show the breadth of American music, don't choose music from each state. You're better off playing the Band's greatest hits. Even if 80% of the members are Canadian.
50 Bands, 50 States - Part 1
The cover story in this week's Boston Phoenix is their guide to the best band, best solo artist and best new band for each of the 50 states plus the District of Columbia. I took on a similar project a couple of years ago when LimeyG became a citizen: building a party playlist featuring music from all 50 states.
I will now compare my choices with theirs. In the interest of not giving a crap about new bands, I will only focus on the best band and solo artist choices. Unlike their lame alphabetical ordering system, I will go by order of entry into the union, which is how the playlist was organized.
Delaware
Phoenix:Television, George Thorogood
El's Playlist: George Thorogood
When you name your band the Delaware Destroyers, you make things pretty easy. Television is a much better band, but I always thought of them as a New York band.
Pennsylvania
Phoenix:The Roots, Trent Reznor
El's Playlist: Fred Waring
My other choices included Gene Kelly, Mario Lanza and Poison. Not a great selection. Trent Reznor would have been fine, but you have to go with the man with the eponymous blender.
New Jersey
Phoenix:Four Seasons/Misfits, Bruce Springsteen
El: Fountains of Wayne
The Phoenix couldn't decide between Frankie Vallie and Danzig, so they encouraged the readers to choose. Pretty dumb, since writing Bright Future in Sales and Hackensack make Fountains of Wayne a much better choice. That and I didn't feel like spending $0.99 on a Bon Jovi track.
Georgia
Phoenix: R.E.M., Ray Charles
El: James Brown
Methodology is a factor here as the Phoenix only counts solo artist by where they were born, not were they established themselves. You can't go wrong with any of the three really, plus Little Richard is also an option if going by birthplace.
Connecticut
Phoenix: The Carpenters, Liz Phair
El: Moby
What are the chances that the state with the highest GDP per capita in the nation would also have some of the crummiest music? Some of the other choices included John Mayer and Michael Bolton. So I used that one song from that one ad or something.
Massachusetts
Phoenix: Pixies, Jonathan Richman
El: Modern Lovers (Jonathan Richman's band)
This was a pretty easy one since both the Pixies and the first Modern Lover's album are pretty awesome. I chose Roadrunner by the Modern Lovers because driving around 128 with the RADIO ON seemed more representative.
Maryland
Phoenix: The Orioles, John Fahey
El: The Orioles
Frank Zappa and Billie Holiday were also choices, so I don't quite understand the John Fahey thing. Anyway, Crying in the Chapel is one of the greatest doo-wop songs ever.
South Carolina
Phoenix: Iron and Wine, James Brown
El: Eartha Kitt
By using James Brown in Georgia I was left with Eartha Kitt and Hootie. Yes, Hootie.
New Hampshire
Phoenix: Aerosmith, Jon Spencer/Ronnie James Dio
El: The Shaggs
Frankly, I feel much better knowing that Aerosmith hails from the cultural backwater that is New Hampshire. You can also vote on the Spencer/Dio decision, but that's dumb since only one of them could credibly appear in the Tenacious D movie. But seriously, what could serve as a better symbol of the Live Free and Die state that the amusingly incompetent Shaggs.
Virginia
Phoenix: The Neptunes, Patsy Cline
El: Ella Fitzgerald
Virginia is surprisingly thin in music, given their size, although Ella, Patsy, Roy Clark and Pharell Williams are all pretty influential. I think the Phoenix just ignored jazz altogether.
New York
Phoenix: Velvet Underground, Mary J. Blige
El: The Ramones
I respect the Velvet Underground as much as any other aging hipster should, but the Ramones are more suitable for a party playlist. Public Enemy and Sammy Davis, Jr also merit mention. The Goo Goo Dolls and Ethel Merman do not.
North Carolina
Phoenix: Superchunk, George Clinton
El: Mojo Nixon
I think I considered Clinton and the whole P-Funk group under Michigan. Excluding him made Mojo a silly choice on my part over a whole bunch of legendary figures (Earl Scruggs, Doc Watson, Thelonious Monk) and Ben Folds.
Rhode Island
Phoenix: Talking Heads, Tanya Donelly
El: Talking Heads
Well, that one was easy.
Vermont
Phoenix: Phish, Rudy Vallee
El: Rudy Vallee
The Phoenix informs us that Rudy Vallee was the first megaphone crooner or as they called them back then, megaphone crooners. I would have had to spend weeks cleaning lice off the iPod had I loaded Phish on there.
Kentucky
Phoenix: Slint, Will Oldham
El: Bill Monroe
You can tell the Phoenix just ignores country if at all possible, since they passed on the Father of Bluegrass and on Loretta Lynn as well.
Tennessee
Phoenix: Big Star, Aretha Franklin
El: Aretha Franklin
When you can choose between Aretha, Dolly Parton, Tina Turner or Lester Flatt, it was difficult to justify choosing four Memphis guys trying to sound like a British Invasion group. Even if they were the greatest American power pop band.
Ohio
Phoenix: Pere Ubu, Screamin' Jay Hawkins
El: Dead Boys
The Dead Boys and Pere Ubu were both descended from Rocket from the Tombs and featured guys named Crocus Behemoth, Cheetah Chrome and Jimmy Zero. Sonic Reducer by the Dead Boys is the best song from that scene, so I went with the Dead Boys. Ohio also has Devo and the Cramps, not to mention Dean Martin and Doris Day. That still doesn't justify having the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame.
Phoenix: The Louvin Brothers, Hank Williams
El: Big Mama Thornton
Boy, nothing gets a party going like Hank Williams classics like I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive and I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry. Fun stuff.
Maine
Phoenix: Rustic Overtones, Juliana Hatfield
El: The Killing Moon
I apologize for referring to New Hampshire as a cultural backwater because finding one goddamn band from Maine took a lot of Google work. All I know about The Killing Moon is that they are from Maine and they have a cover of You Oughta Know available on iTunes. I'm not even sure if they know of Echo or the Bunnymen.
Missouri
Phoenix: Uncle Tupelo, Chuck Berry
El: Chuck Berry
It's very difficult not to choose Chuck Berry here, even if he now has competition from Nelly and Chingy.
Arkansas
Phoenix: Black Oak Arkansas, Johnny Cash
El: Louis Jordan
On Marshall Crenshaw's book Hollywood Rock the author states that "Louis Jordan is such a god of American culture that his face should be on the $50 bill." That is not hyperbole either. I love Johnny Cash as much as the next guy, but he never recorded anything as fun as Caldonia.
Michigan
Phoenix: The Stooges, Stevie Wonder
El: The Stooges
With apologies to John Lee Hooker, the MC5 and Eminem, these were pretty easy choices. While I could have used any number of Stevie Wonder tracks, somehow hearing Iggy Pop (born Ignatius Popovski to immigrant parents) howling seemed more representative of the current situation of Michigan.
I will now compare my choices with theirs. In the interest of not giving a crap about new bands, I will only focus on the best band and solo artist choices. Unlike their lame alphabetical ordering system, I will go by order of entry into the union, which is how the playlist was organized.
Delaware
Phoenix:Television, George Thorogood
El's Playlist: George Thorogood
When you name your band the Delaware Destroyers, you make things pretty easy. Television is a much better band, but I always thought of them as a New York band.
Pennsylvania
Phoenix:The Roots, Trent Reznor
El's Playlist: Fred Waring
My other choices included Gene Kelly, Mario Lanza and Poison. Not a great selection. Trent Reznor would have been fine, but you have to go with the man with the eponymous blender.
New Jersey
Phoenix:Four Seasons/Misfits, Bruce Springsteen
El: Fountains of Wayne
The Phoenix couldn't decide between Frankie Vallie and Danzig, so they encouraged the readers to choose. Pretty dumb, since writing Bright Future in Sales and Hackensack make Fountains of Wayne a much better choice. That and I didn't feel like spending $0.99 on a Bon Jovi track.
Georgia
Phoenix: R.E.M., Ray Charles
El: James Brown
Methodology is a factor here as the Phoenix only counts solo artist by where they were born, not were they established themselves. You can't go wrong with any of the three really, plus Little Richard is also an option if going by birthplace.
Connecticut
Phoenix: The Carpenters, Liz Phair
El: Moby
What are the chances that the state with the highest GDP per capita in the nation would also have some of the crummiest music? Some of the other choices included John Mayer and Michael Bolton. So I used that one song from that one ad or something.
Massachusetts
Phoenix: Pixies, Jonathan Richman
El: Modern Lovers (Jonathan Richman's band)
This was a pretty easy one since both the Pixies and the first Modern Lover's album are pretty awesome. I chose Roadrunner by the Modern Lovers because driving around 128 with the RADIO ON seemed more representative.
Maryland
Phoenix: The Orioles, John Fahey
El: The Orioles
Frank Zappa and Billie Holiday were also choices, so I don't quite understand the John Fahey thing. Anyway, Crying in the Chapel is one of the greatest doo-wop songs ever.
South Carolina
Phoenix: Iron and Wine, James Brown
El: Eartha Kitt
By using James Brown in Georgia I was left with Eartha Kitt and Hootie. Yes, Hootie.
New Hampshire
Phoenix: Aerosmith, Jon Spencer/Ronnie James Dio
El: The Shaggs
Frankly, I feel much better knowing that Aerosmith hails from the cultural backwater that is New Hampshire. You can also vote on the Spencer/Dio decision, but that's dumb since only one of them could credibly appear in the Tenacious D movie. But seriously, what could serve as a better symbol of the Live Free and Die state that the amusingly incompetent Shaggs.
Virginia
Phoenix: The Neptunes, Patsy Cline
El: Ella Fitzgerald
Virginia is surprisingly thin in music, given their size, although Ella, Patsy, Roy Clark and Pharell Williams are all pretty influential. I think the Phoenix just ignored jazz altogether.
New York
Phoenix: Velvet Underground, Mary J. Blige
El: The Ramones
I respect the Velvet Underground as much as any other aging hipster should, but the Ramones are more suitable for a party playlist. Public Enemy and Sammy Davis, Jr also merit mention. The Goo Goo Dolls and Ethel Merman do not.
North Carolina
Phoenix: Superchunk, George Clinton
El: Mojo Nixon
I think I considered Clinton and the whole P-Funk group under Michigan. Excluding him made Mojo a silly choice on my part over a whole bunch of legendary figures (Earl Scruggs, Doc Watson, Thelonious Monk) and Ben Folds.
Rhode Island
Phoenix: Talking Heads, Tanya Donelly
El: Talking Heads
Well, that one was easy.
Vermont
Phoenix: Phish, Rudy Vallee
El: Rudy Vallee
The Phoenix informs us that Rudy Vallee was the first megaphone crooner or as they called them back then, megaphone crooners. I would have had to spend weeks cleaning lice off the iPod had I loaded Phish on there.
Kentucky
Phoenix: Slint, Will Oldham
El: Bill Monroe
You can tell the Phoenix just ignores country if at all possible, since they passed on the Father of Bluegrass and on Loretta Lynn as well.
Tennessee
Phoenix: Big Star, Aretha Franklin
El: Aretha Franklin
When you can choose between Aretha, Dolly Parton, Tina Turner or Lester Flatt, it was difficult to justify choosing four Memphis guys trying to sound like a British Invasion group. Even if they were the greatest American power pop band.
Ohio
Phoenix: Pere Ubu, Screamin' Jay Hawkins
El: Dead Boys
The Dead Boys and Pere Ubu were both descended from Rocket from the Tombs and featured guys named Crocus Behemoth, Cheetah Chrome and Jimmy Zero. Sonic Reducer by the Dead Boys is the best song from that scene, so I went with the Dead Boys. Ohio also has Devo and the Cramps, not to mention Dean Martin and Doris Day. That still doesn't justify having the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame.
Louisiana
Phoenix: The Meters, Jerry Lee Lewis
El: Fats Domino
You could spend weeks listing further options from this state: Louis Armstrong, Jelly Roll Morton, Louis Prima, Allen Toussaint, Lee Dorsey. Fats seemed pretty representative, but the Phoenix choices are also excellent.
Indiana
Phoenix: Jackson 5, Michael Jackson
El: Jackson 5
Ironically, the Jackson 5 had a young black kid who sounded exactly like Michael Jackson. True story. Honorable mention to Cole Porter. Semi-honorable mention to John Cougar Mellencamp. Dishonorable mention to Axl Rose.
Mississippi
Phoenix: The Mississippi Sheiks, Robert Johnson
El: Muddy Waters
Some of the other choices include Bo Diddley, B.B. King and, you know, Elvis. I have no memory of why I didn't choose Elvis.
Illinois
Phoenix: Big Black, Miles Davis
El: Quincy Jones
In my defense this was just an excuse to use the theme to Sanford & Son in the playlist. Yes, you probably have it running through your head right now. That meant I passed up Wilco (no matter that the Phoenix claims they are from Missouri), Kanye and Cheap Trick.
Phoenix: The Louvin Brothers, Hank Williams
El: Big Mama Thornton
Boy, nothing gets a party going like Hank Williams classics like I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive and I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry. Fun stuff.
Maine
Phoenix: Rustic Overtones, Juliana Hatfield
El: The Killing Moon
I apologize for referring to New Hampshire as a cultural backwater because finding one goddamn band from Maine took a lot of Google work. All I know about The Killing Moon is that they are from Maine and they have a cover of You Oughta Know available on iTunes. I'm not even sure if they know of Echo or the Bunnymen.
Missouri
Phoenix: Uncle Tupelo, Chuck Berry
El: Chuck Berry
It's very difficult not to choose Chuck Berry here, even if he now has competition from Nelly and Chingy.
Arkansas
Phoenix: Black Oak Arkansas, Johnny Cash
El: Louis Jordan
On Marshall Crenshaw's book Hollywood Rock the author states that "Louis Jordan is such a god of American culture that his face should be on the $50 bill." That is not hyperbole either. I love Johnny Cash as much as the next guy, but he never recorded anything as fun as Caldonia.
Michigan
Phoenix: The Stooges, Stevie Wonder
El: The Stooges
With apologies to John Lee Hooker, the MC5 and Eminem, these were pretty easy choices. While I could have used any number of Stevie Wonder tracks, somehow hearing Iggy Pop (born Ignatius Popovski to immigrant parents) howling seemed more representative of the current situation of Michigan.
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