Gym Man

We see you. Don't worry, we all see you. You in the gym, the cock of the walk, strutting around with your high-n-tight buzz cut, rockin that iPod, sporting your Under Armour® HeatGear® Tactical Compression shirt. Look how it squeeeeeezes that already ripped torso into a platonic-ideal inverted triangle, and sculpts your tiny tiny gut into a seventh ab! Hoo-ya! Strap on that big leather dip belt and chain up what, another twenty pounds on your pull-up? Balls! But what's this—only six reps? Of course, of course, this is your third set, you're working. it. to. failure, man. Work it heavy.

And take another big swig from your Gallon Hood Milk Jug. The Man needs his agua! You show those pint Dasani and Poland Springs sipping pussies! Those twice-a-week bitches can't even fuckin LIFT that jug. Drink it like the Under Armour® chiseled iron giant fucking triangle man that you are.