Walnuts v. Hopey Part II, The Live Blog

Will McCain finally snap? Will he unleash a torrent of profanity? Will Obama finally "keep it real"? Will he pummel McCain and yell "Wu-Tang!" while forming a W with his hands? It's live from Nashville!

8:56 As a proper east coast liberal I am sipping a nice glass of fume blanc as I type this. Yay, I'm an elitist!

8:58 One of the more annoying things about presidential elections is that we have to give a crap about what people in Ohio think for a good nine months. We can thankfully go back to ignoring them in four weeks.

9:00 I'm watching on CNN so I can monitor their stupid dial thingie. I'm sure it will head south whenever either of these guys mention the dreaded e-co-mo-ny.

9:03 Two men enter! One man leaves! (Since Walnuts will have trouble finding the exit.)

9:04 Rod Steiger asks the first question. I thought he was dead.

9:05 Bashing CEO pay swings the dial numbers all the way to the top. Nothing beats good old class warfare.

9:07 I love the no new taxes, more spending approach to the deficit.

9:09 So the old dude is going to name the CEO of a company that just announced a layoff this week as Treasury Secretary because she can create jobs. Nice.

9:11 Main Street/Wall Street, suspended campaign, Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac, if he says maverick, I have bingo.

9:16 Neither the Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac nor the deregulation explanation works with the focus groups, perhaps because they don't know what the hell is going on. Hell, they're undecided.

9:19 I love how people blame "politicians" for the credit crisis. Yeah, it was the politicians who voted for Bush twice, ignored the housing bubble and invested money without thinking.

9:22 Does McCain realize that nobody gives a shit about earmarks? And they shouldn't. It's the equivalent of cutting out the free coffee in the break room when your company is not moving product: a pointless little feels-right exercise.

9:25 A whole bunch of nuclear power plants?!?! NIMBY!!11!!

9:28 Child of the Depression on the internet? I call shenanigans.

9:29 God this is repetitive. I have a few programs I'd like to cut: the Navy, the Air Force, the Army, Homeland Security.

9:31 I loved how Hopey pulled out the "go out and shop" card. Man, that was dumb.

9:32 And then BHO pulls out the clean coal business and it sinks my boner. There is no such thing.

9:33 As long as neither of these guys asks for a military draft, I'm cool with them.

9:35 I think Obama just called Sarah Palin a hog.

9:38 Social Security is the juggling chainsaw portion of the debate. It can go horribly, horribly wrong. Hopey punts the question and goes back to taxes. Well played.

9:41 It's funny, but mentioning Ronald Reagan no longer moves the preference dial. It's about fucking time.

9:44 I can't believe that nuclear power is what Jamakkan is seriously proposing. Really? That's all you got? There is no nuclear waste issue? Really?

9:48 These debates are dreary. They just repeat the same crap from the previous time. Why can't they have a "previously on the presidential campaign" segment like they did on The Sopranos? Then they have to say different stuff.

9:51 McCain is wandering around the stage behind Obama for no reason. I think his medication is wearing off.

9:54 Walnuts idea of a good plan is to make people work and research every goddamn thing. Hopey proposes stuff where people don't have to think. Murkans hate thinking about shit.

9:56 The whole private solutions thing worked a lot better before the credit market shat the bed.

9:58 Hopey just schooled Walnuts on the whole state and health care issue. Maybe it's the fancy white wine, but I think it's a rout so far in favor of the black dude.

10:00 The one country in the history of the world who dropped atomic bombs is the greatest force of good in history. Nice to know. Ask the Afghanis, Iraqis and Vietnamese about it.

10:03 Hi, I'm Barack Hussein Obama. I will be taking the morally superior foreign policy position tonight, thank you.

10:06 Let me tell you, right now, sir. I am not your friend.

10:09 The Pakistan question isn't loaded or anything. I mean, comparing it to Cambodia?

10:10 I'm betting nobody mentions this little story in this segment.

10:11 My hero is Teddy Roosevelt. He was the captain of my high school football team.

10:14 Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran. Drink.

10:16 So far, it's been a Willy Lomanesque performance from Walnuts. He's selling like crazy yet nobody is buying anymore. It's almost sad, that Reagan shit used to work like crazy.

10:18 Jammakan thinks everybody has the same hard-on for Petraeus as he does. They don't.

10:20 Okay, the Putin-KGB line was kind of funny, by debate standards. Of course, we shouldn't be talking about how it's wrong to go invading crappy countries in Asia.

10:23 We're entering the last few minutes of the debate, Hopey just needs to run out the clock.

10:26 You know, that Israel question would be meaningful except for one thing. Israel already has nuclear weapons and they can wipe Iran off the map tonight if they so feel like it.

10:29 Finally, the last question. It's from New Hampshire. I guess we still have to care about what they think.

10:32 Tehlime states "of course you're hopeful, you're Hopey."

10:33 Hopey: "hope, hope, hope, change, change, change." Walnuts: "fear, fear, fear, hate, hate, hate." Do we really need to hear this again?

10:34 McCain is ignorant of many things, blocking being one of them. Thank God this is over.

In conclusion, this was a complete waste of ninety minutes as neither candidate said anything new. Barack HUSSEIN Obama did look more presidential. Walnuts still came across as pissed because he has to make sure kids stay off each of his seven fucking lawns. McCain needed to gain ground and this sure as hell didn't help.