Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Turn Around
Wat, seven goddamn pages of Total Eclipse of the Heart videos?!? So much dreck -- which of these covers of Jim Steinman's epic is the Greatest. Evar.?
We'll leave the classic Nikki French disco version out of contention, as that would be like giving Sidney Lumet another Oscar after his Lifetime Achievement Consolation Prize. Let's break it down:
- Sifl-n-Olly inspired bedroom casio interpretation. The gag gets old after the first 30 seconds.
- Hurra Torpedo. Waitaminute. Are they mocking the song? Show some goddamn respect.
- The Dan Band. At a wedding. With a fog machine. Ow Ow Ow. (If you've eaten recently, go with the live version instead).
- Daker should learn how to play the banjo before posting his bullshit. It's called fingerpicking moran. Or take a lesson from Outhouse Explosion.
- At least Dr. Beardface keeps it under 3 minutes. Did he record that in his cube?
- Tori Amos sucks. So does Westlife.
- Kiki and Herb. I'm not sure that chick's cans are real.
- Runner up: Chompy the Gator. I LOLd. That's the best singing burger since Better off Dead.
That's Gimmick Infringement!
We were at CVS yesterday when I spotted this blatant intellectual-asset thivery in the frozen food section:
Clearly, this was ripped off from the legendary KP invention of PiiaB. Like other cheap corporate knock-offs of great ideas, this one is a pale version of the original providing a mere 132% of your cholesterol RDA per serving for the bacon version, skipping the pickles, ommiting the horseradish and providing just a flimsy plastic container as opposed to a solid bowl made out of pure sadness.
KP should get his lawyer on the phone now.
KP should get his lawyer on the phone now.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
2009 World Baseball Classic Roundup
Even though it gets significantly less news coverage than the process of determining the 65 best minor-league basketball teams in the nation, this year's World Baseball Classic has been very entertaining. Here is a brief summary of the happenings of the past ten days.
Pool A: Korea, Japan, China, Taiwan
Korea came back from getting humiliated 14-2 by Japan to win the pool, beating Japan in a rematch by a 1-0 score. Even with the absurdity in run differential, it matters little as both teams advanced to the second round. Taiwan was a huge disappointment, losing to both Korea (expected) and China (unexpected.) China's win over Taiwan was their highlight, making up for the two massive beatings they received from Korea (14-0 and 9-0.)
Pool B: Cuba, Mexico, Australia, South Africa
You have to hand it to Fidel Castro: he may know squat about running an economy, but he knows that bunting sucks. It's one of those cheap ironies of life that if Castro had been a murderous right-wing thug as opposed to totalitarian pinko, he would be a folk hero in America. Perhaps W. should blog about baseball too. Anyway, his team won three straight to take the pool and advance. Mexico joined them after overcoming an embarassing 17-7 mercy-rule drubbing from the Australians in their home stadium. Mexico came back by beating the hapless South Africans and returning the favor to Australia 16-1. (Please note that Mexico City is way above sea level, which explains the silly scores.) Australia played Cuba tight, losing 5-4, but ended up empty-handed, except for offensive star Chris Snelling who got a contract from the Padres for his efforts.
Pool C: Venezuela, USA, Italy, Canada
Like Korea, the Venezuelans split two games with the other qualifier, the US, but they won the second match-up (5-3) and thus won the pool. While the US did stomp Venezuela 15-6 in their first meeting they did struggle to beat Canada 6-5 earlier. Italy, a team made up of a whole bunch of Americans with Italian sounding names, knocked off the host Canadians by a 6-2 score, then were themselves eliminated by Venezuela 10-1. Had the Italians fielded a similar team in the '40s, their outfield would have been, from left to right, DiMaggio, DiMaggio, DiMaggio.
Pool D: Puerto Rico, Netherlands, Dominican Republic, Panama
The best of the four pools was this one, played out in San Juan. The Panamanians continued their winless history in the WBC, losing their two games by a combined 16-0. In the biggest upset of the tournament, the Netherlands, led by fat Caribbean islanders like Sidney Ponson and Randall Simon beat a Dominican team full of all-stars not once, but twice: 3-2 and 2-1. At least Pedro Martinez looked good, striking out six in two three-inning stints, while only giving up one hit. Thus the stupid Dutch prevented the long-awaited DR-PR showdown, treating the locals instead to two rematches of the failed 17th century Dutch invasion of the island. Once again, the Puerto Ricans relied on strong defense, timely hitting and dysentery to dispatch the tulip-growers by scores of 3-1 and 5-0. Both teams advanced to the next round.
In the first day of the second round in Miami, Venezuela beat the Dutch, who refer to this sport as honkbal for fuck's sake, 3-1. The nightcap saw Puerto Rico and the disappointing Javier Vazquez beat the crap out of the USA and the overrated Jake Peavy 11-1. The game coming to a screeching halt in the bottom of the seventh when a two-run single by Mike Aviles invoked the mercy rule. Clearly, Dustin Pedroia would not have let this happen had he been playing. Regardless, Puerto Rico is undefeated in four games and stands one victory away from the final round. I'm as shocked as anybody.
Pool A: Korea, Japan, China, Taiwan
Korea came back from getting humiliated 14-2 by Japan to win the pool, beating Japan in a rematch by a 1-0 score. Even with the absurdity in run differential, it matters little as both teams advanced to the second round. Taiwan was a huge disappointment, losing to both Korea (expected) and China (unexpected.) China's win over Taiwan was their highlight, making up for the two massive beatings they received from Korea (14-0 and 9-0.)
Pool B: Cuba, Mexico, Australia, South Africa
You have to hand it to Fidel Castro: he may know squat about running an economy, but he knows that bunting sucks. It's one of those cheap ironies of life that if Castro had been a murderous right-wing thug as opposed to totalitarian pinko, he would be a folk hero in America. Perhaps W. should blog about baseball too. Anyway, his team won three straight to take the pool and advance. Mexico joined them after overcoming an embarassing 17-7 mercy-rule drubbing from the Australians in their home stadium. Mexico came back by beating the hapless South Africans and returning the favor to Australia 16-1. (Please note that Mexico City is way above sea level, which explains the silly scores.) Australia played Cuba tight, losing 5-4, but ended up empty-handed, except for offensive star Chris Snelling who got a contract from the Padres for his efforts.
Pool C: Venezuela, USA, Italy, Canada
Like Korea, the Venezuelans split two games with the other qualifier, the US, but they won the second match-up (5-3) and thus won the pool. While the US did stomp Venezuela 15-6 in their first meeting they did struggle to beat Canada 6-5 earlier. Italy, a team made up of a whole bunch of Americans with Italian sounding names, knocked off the host Canadians by a 6-2 score, then were themselves eliminated by Venezuela 10-1. Had the Italians fielded a similar team in the '40s, their outfield would have been, from left to right, DiMaggio, DiMaggio, DiMaggio.
Pool D: Puerto Rico, Netherlands, Dominican Republic, Panama
The best of the four pools was this one, played out in San Juan. The Panamanians continued their winless history in the WBC, losing their two games by a combined 16-0. In the biggest upset of the tournament, the Netherlands, led by fat Caribbean islanders like Sidney Ponson and Randall Simon beat a Dominican team full of all-stars not once, but twice: 3-2 and 2-1. At least Pedro Martinez looked good, striking out six in two three-inning stints, while only giving up one hit. Thus the stupid Dutch prevented the long-awaited DR-PR showdown, treating the locals instead to two rematches of the failed 17th century Dutch invasion of the island. Once again, the Puerto Ricans relied on strong defense, timely hitting and dysentery to dispatch the tulip-growers by scores of 3-1 and 5-0. Both teams advanced to the next round.
In the first day of the second round in Miami, Venezuela beat the Dutch, who refer to this sport as honkbal for fuck's sake, 3-1. The nightcap saw Puerto Rico and the disappointing Javier Vazquez beat the crap out of the USA and the overrated Jake Peavy 11-1. The game coming to a screeching halt in the bottom of the seventh when a two-run single by Mike Aviles invoked the mercy rule. Clearly, Dustin Pedroia would not have let this happen had he been playing. Regardless, Puerto Rico is undefeated in four games and stands one victory away from the final round. I'm as shocked as anybody.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Not Available in Stores
Kutiman's remix/mashup/sampleathon opus thru-you.com is all the more astonishing when you dig into his source material. Kutiman does not lean on familiar riffs. He builds his hooks from the long tail of YouTube musical miscellanea. While there are obvious talents like Dadasara and ElexisTrinity, the singers on Someday and I M New (might Kutiman do for ElexisTrinity what Eminem did for Dido?), the vast majority of his source is the common and mediocre.
Watch tadois, the drummer sampled on Babylon Band. Kutiman transforms his amateur slosh into a breakbeat that Goldie could have written. The tweaked baseline on I M New has The Juice, where the original was little but a sketch. Dozens of experimenters and dilettantes have chanced into playing parts in an artistic and technical masterpiece, but the credit is mostly with Kutiman.
This is a major talent.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Why You Should Watch The Wire
The AV Club rightfully names this one of the greatest scenes in TV history. Oh and it's NSFW due to language and boobs. Also.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
MOBA's West Wing
There's really no way to describe these totally crappy paintings of our new president. Let's just say the words "monkey" and "tweeter" come to mind.
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