80s College Radio Artifacts

In listening to my recently acquired (in the East Village for $2.99 each!) Replacements reissues I remembered one of my favorite things about the Series of Tubes era. You can readily find obscure lyric sources for 80s college radio stars.

For instance, the lyrics for Lovelines from the Replacements' Hootenanny are just Paul Westerberg reading the classifieds in the Minneapolis City Pages. Yes, the man responsible for generation-defining lyrics like "the windows are dirty, let's hope it rains" reads the local alternative rag ads for your listening pleasure.

In a similar vein, REM took the instrumental track for Seven Chinese Brothers from Reckoning and added Michael Stipe reading the liner notes for a gospel album to produce the goofy Voice of Harold, included in Dead Letter Office. Like Westerberg, Stipe skips around the text to suit the music as best he can.

I was trying to think of a third example to complete the trilogy but I can't. Any thoughts?

What a crap day

Harvey Korman dead, James Hook burned down, and I'm recovering from the indignity of handing a forfeit to Mot's Crew (yo Bill, 7 players != team). Damn.

Is there any happy news? Anything? Aaah yes, thanks to Maxim, at least we know how Gary Oldman came up with "breasteses." Thanks intarnets.

Be Careful What You Wish For ...

I know it was pretty amusing when the Japanese did it. But now that Fox is involved, God help us all.

I'm looking forward to watching an unending string of commercials for this show during one of those four-and-a-half-hour Yankees-Red Sox games.

NSFW

What happens when you combine a car wash, soapy water and thongs in slo-mo?

This. This is what happens.

Penas Have Long Had a Weakness for High Fastballs

Joe Posnanski was at Fenway last night, so we get a nice description of Jon Lester's no-hitter.

I Would Like to Thank Brad Wilkerson...

While I thought I had peaked way too early with my Hacking Mass team, I guess I was wrong. Right now, as I watch my shortstop Tony Pena, Jr. flail miserably against Jon Lester in the 6th inning, the Tobias Funke All Stars sit at the top of the 1,052 teams entered this year. It's really been a team effort so far with washed-up veterans, light-hitting glove men and inexplicable long-term contract recipients all contributing.

My only regret is not picking a more awesome name like Flaming Labrums or 2 Orioles, 1 Cup.

This is just a hunch, but ...

I don't think Joe Queenan likes Woody Allen.

Bacon Martini!

An article of odd drinks includes the Bacon Martini from a dive bar in Vegas called the Double Down Saloon. Sounds much more appetizing than Ass Juice, which is another special of the place.

The Martini may end up being a drink that fits both sides of the hypothesis that everything can be made better with bacon or chocolate.

72 lame hours with Shabu

What would you do with 25 grams of pure meth? Invite some friends over for the weekend, watch a Lord of the Rings movie, make some mashup mixes, eat a lot of Otter Pops and fly to Vegas to look for nickel slots?

No, me neither. Maybe that's why we're not cool like these people.

My uniform number is playing for the Sox!

Jonathon Van Every, #78, is starting in CF for the Red Sox in 15 minutes. It is good that he has made it to the Major Leagues instead of MIT Community Summer Softball, because I believe that number has been retired in honor of my exploits.

I Used to Wrestle Cows

The remarkably prolific and entertaining Kansas City Star columnist Joe Posnanski describes his greatest day in sportswriting. Maybe it's reading USA Today for two days, but damn if the Rulon Gardner story doesn't seem like absolute gold.

Not a lotta luv for the gov

in Boston Mag. But nice puff from the glob.

Would you buy coffee from this man?

Attention: Dave Mustaine wants you to try his beans.

"This is my favorite coffee SO FAR, and I hope it will be your favorite coffee too, SO FAR, until I can decide on which coffee to bring you next! This PERUVIAN coffee was so pleasing to taste and had the right boost I needed in the morning for me to prepare for another day of shredding!"

Be careful, Mustaine. This whole beverage promotion thing is a slippery slope. Before you know it, you'll be laughing, manic and wide-eyed, while burying sararymans up to their necks.

Wait, it gets better!

Human Pac-Man is more brutal than the electronic version.

Things that make me cry at work

No, not that.

This.

If you can watch it without tears streaming down your face, you're stronger than I.

British economy explained with colored water

"A sensation when it was unveiled at the London School of Economics in 1949, the Phillips machine used hydraulics to model the workings of the British economy but now looks, at first glance, like the brainchild of a nutty professor [...]

"The prototype was an odd assortment of tanks, pipes, sluices and valves, with water pumped around the machine by a motor cannibalised from the windscreen wiper of a Lancaster bomber. Bits of filed-down Perspex and fishing line were used to channel the coloured dyes that mimicked the flow of income round the economy into consumer spending, taxes, investment and exports."

Patton Oswalt Waving His Little Fetus Arms Around

We watched a couple of episodes of Root of All Evil, Comedy Central's obnoxiously promoted Lewis Black vehicle for shooting fish in a barrel. It was actually not bad. The two things that will stay with us:

• The description in the title, said by the otherwise-not-that-funny Greg Giraldo in reference to the short and fat but funny Mr. Oswalt.
• Patton Oswalt's description of how easy it was to win his case, given that he had Dick Cheney and Giraldo had Paris Hilton, "it wasn't fair, I had the Glengarry leads on this one."

Why I haven't used "having the Glengarry leads" as shorthand for having a huge built in advantage before is beyond me.

The carrot at the end of the tunnel

Never mind taking the fork in the road, or whether half the game is 90 percent mental, or whether anyone slud anywhere. When it comes to athletes saying dumb stuff, European soccer players cover the field.

Of course, these are nothing compared with the work of Alan Partridge.

Man arrested for allegedly punching camel at Six Flags

Story here.

Dramatic recreation here.

Now batting: Number One-Third ...

Finally, our dreams of an all-midget baseball league can become reality. Opening this summer: Mini Fenway Park.

Bright Eyes on the $5

Emo Lincoln

"Cracked" on food

From "Cracked" magazine, and worth it for the photos alone:

7 Common Foods That Can Actually Get You High

The 6 Most Terrifying Foods In The World

The Road

Looks like they've nailed the cast for The Road. Viggo Mortensen and Kodi Smit-McPhee as father and son refugees in Cormac McCarthy's post-apocalyptic wasteland. Hmm.



It's not that I'm disappointed. But I was hoping for Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker.

Dear Derek, No. TH

Through Flak Radio I found smart-ass British comedian's Tony Hawks email responses to confused sk8trs trying to contact pro skateboarder, serial video game endorser and Jackass hanger-on Tony Hawk. A sample:

Hi Tony i am your best fan.

-------------------------

On the contrary. There are several better than you. Actually, you'd be surprised at how low you rate.

TH